Oh God. So. Hungover.

Blegh. Post conference partying last night led to way too much white wine, lots of silly dancing, and much gossip and intrigue. But it was a good chance to cement a few of the new contacts/friends I've made there.
Networking and being inspired by some of the best doco makers in the world, learning about other people's projects (this too!) and the ways they funded them, were definitely the best things about the past few days.
The worst: too little sleep, too tired and too busy to exercise, eat properly, or do anything around the house. But it was completely worth it, cause I got to meet and talk to one of my professional idols. This guy's films are amazing, his photography is gorgeous, and he's half Javanese! I'm trying to help him get a distributor for his films here in Australia, so people here can actually see them outside of festivals (his latest doco is playing at the Adelaide film festival tonight.)
Ah, so many fantastic docos to see, so little time. Can't wait for Thin Ice this Sunday either.

Despite the deep exhaustion and dire seediness of today, I'm inspired, motivated, full of new ideas, wiser, and more determined to achieve my goals.
I'm also missing winter for some very strange reason. Today feels like it should be cold and rainy, just to snuggle up in a big woolly scarf and drink lots of tea.

14 x 2 =

Woah. I just almost stuffed up a really important meeting because of my silly muddleheaded vagueness. Luckily we were 2 days early for the meeting rather than 2 days late.
Note to self: might be a good idea to always double check important meetings with potential project funders and project partners from interstate.

I think all the recent birthday happenings have distracted me a bit. It is a once a year event after all. These are the things which made 28 so special:

A loved one who cooked me organic bacon and eggs for breakfast, took me out for African food for dinner and bought me a shanghai lady mug.


New red cooking utensils with which to cook yummy treats for birthday picnic, such as dolmades made with vine leaves from our backyard.

And coffee banana cupcakes.



A picnic in the park to eat said treats, drink champagne, and enjoy having so many of my friends actually be in the same place at the same time.


Hand made birthday cards from said friends.

Saturn, where have you been?

At long last I feel as if I've reached a turning point as far as how my life is in reality and how I want it to be in my head. For the first time in a long time there's not much variation between the two, and what variation there is I can live with. Wow. That means I am happy with my life. Of course not completely (never completely) but it feels good to be able to say/write that. There are so many reasons and happenings that have been growing and developing for me to have reached this state. And it's only taken six years (2 years of traumatic experiences, 2 years of unhappiness and bad health, and 2 years of working my way back.) Yikes.

More stable seratonin from exercising and eating right has helped. But finding some direction and purpose with what I want to do with my life, and working out my core values about how I want to live my life and the things that are important to me, has been the key. And to be able to go through all this growth and change with someone I love, and see so much growth and change in them, is pretty damn cool.

I really feel from now on this year is going to be the year of more growth and change, of special events and personal discoveries. Maybe because it's the start of my saturn return. Friends who have been through this stage talk about the intensity but ultimate positivity of it. It's the time for personal spring-cleaning and loosing old patterns, which I've already had a head start on over the past year or so.

I think this is it. I'm ready universe. Bring on the change: the endings and the new beginnings.

...contd

So comments on the previous post have inspired further pontification on the issue of bike helmets and lack thereof. Employing the 'I speaka-no-english' tactic is certainly the way to go with ignorant policepeeps, and one I would use in a jiffy if I didn't have a silly innate inability to lie to strangers. Whenever Muz tries to play the loudspeak game with me, which he does quite often, I just can't do it! I want to, but all I can do is laugh and look embarrassed. Sigh.

And what a fabulous idea flotiz - I should start carrying a scarf around in my bag, ready to whip out whenever my forgetful-jones syndrome strikes (which is often). A guy I used to know named Josh once wore an icecream container as a helmet, but I think a scarf is much more elegant. That reminds me, in Sydney I also lived 5 minutes away from work and would sometimes bike it, but I never wore a helmet (I didn't own one then.) I think Sydney cops, Surry Hills ones in particular, have a bit more to do than worry about issuing bike helmet warnings. I should have worn a scarf though, just for the glamour - vintage, to match my glamorous vintage work outfits. Ah, those were the days.

Care, for your community

Feeling much better today. Despite the return of my normal brain I still managed to almost forget my helmet again. Yesterday, due to hungoverness from dinner and wine with a friend, I rode to work with no helmet and no bike lock. I didn't even realise til I got there, I just thought my hair felt rather breezy that day. Then got paranoid about cops on the way home, because the last thing I felt like was being told off my some pompous policeman with nothing better to do for not wearing a helmet during my 5 minute ride from work to home. Then some pedestrian yelled out 'Where's ya bloody helmet?' to which I replied 'Up ya bloody bum!' Okay so that's a lie. No one expressed a single bit of concern for my exposed noggin, can you believe it? Such an uncaring society we live in. I could have been knocked out or brain damaged or killed even.
I wish that those Christian community television ads would come back on, you know the ones from the 80's that went 'Do you need a haaaand? Be the first to say do you need a haaa-aand! Care, for your community.'

Gender mind bender

Lately I've been thinking about gender, and how much our expressions of it are influenced by society. I am such a stereotypical female in so many ways, and I wonder if that is solely because over the years I have absorbed these stereotypes (the babysitters club, sweet valley high, archie and veronica, neighbours, degrassi junior high, 90210, etc etc) or if such stereotypes also partly exist because they really do represent common female/male characteristics. That's not to say that gender is fixed and pre-determined, because it definitely is not, but those stereotypes had to come from somewhere.

Like the nurturing/mothering instinct in women for example. Is this something I learned from my own mother/society? perhaps, but I also know plenty of women who have highly nurturing mothers, yet don't have a particularly strong nurturing quality in themselves. Or perhaps they do but don't feel compelled to express it the same way that I do, e.g. wanting to take care of others, have kids etc. I mean I really have to fight the urge to ikea-hack my way to building the perfect family nest, or frame a whole bunch of family photos to hang on the wall.
Also I'm very sentimental and cry at anything emotional (like Serena winning the Australian open.) I like shopping, I like dressing up, I like cooking, I like romantic comedies. BUT I don't like perfume, or high heels, or white-weddings, or handbags.

So have I been conditioned? Well I certainly don't have any ideas of how I think women or men should be. I think there are masculine and feminine parts (whatever that is) in us all, and we can all choose to express (but should not repress) whichever parts we like. So then I guess I'm not conforming to any self-imposed pre-conceived notions of gender, I'm just being myself. And if part of that means being 'typically' female, then so be it.

No wonder I can't sleep well

Watching this doco the other night had me in tears of sadness, frustration and anger. I still cannot believe the US government is basically responsible for the squandering of $20 billion (BILLION) US dollars of Iraq's own money while basic services in Iraq were, and still are, completely inadequate. What the fuck is that?? That is beyond greed, ignorance or irresponsibility. That is evil.

And now this! I think the US government has officially gone insane. Yes, that's right, the superpower of the world is an insane, evil monster. But then I'm guessing you already knew that.