Is pain, is good

What with the recent dance and yoga classes I've been taking, my body hasn't moved this much in quite a few months, and I'm feeling it too. Painful, but good. Bodies were definitely built to move, to be active, and when I'm not engaged in some kind of sweat inducing activity at least once a week I really notice it. Unfortunately it hasn't appeared to help me develop any grace at all, rather the opposite - last weekend I fell of a ladder after I attempted some crazy body supporting leg maneuver trying to take down a picture, and yesterday at IKEA I managed to drop a 100kg piece of unidentified packaged furniture on my big toe. No, I will not sue the bastards for expecting the general public to lift extremely heavy objects despite having no OHS training. That would be ridiculous. No, I will merely blame my recently exercised stiff and uncoordinated body. Perhaps I should sue my dance and yoga teachers? I mean it's all their fault, isn't it, making me move muscles I didn't know I had. The bastards.

Confession Friday

Confession #1: I've already started a dress up box for my future children, and I'm not even pregnant (or likely to be anytime soon).

Confession #2: When I was five years old, me and my best friend Sally stole those colorful squishy bath soaps from David Jones. We got busted when we started squirting them at each other in the back of the car. I got a very serious talking to from my parents and had to pay back the 20 cents for them, but I still didn't learn my lesson. My life of occassional petty crime continued until a few years ago when I got busted stealing a bottle of beer (Asahi to be exact) from my work, and was subsequently fired. It was was one of the most mortifying experiences of my life, but boy did I learn my lesson!

Living in the 70's

This blog thing seems to be falling way down on my list of things to do. It shouldn't even be on my list of things to do, cos if it feels like a chore then what's the point, right? And because I hate it when people have blogs and never actually update them, I start feeling guilty if I don't post regularly. It's not a good cycle to get into. Blogging should be fun or therapeutic or both.

On that note I'm going to post (yes, a real post!) about family history, because it's something I've been thinking about since my birthday, when I was going to write about what my parents were doing when they were my age. Then I realised that I didn't even know! My natural instinct was to research them on the net - like I could somehow look up their biography on Wikipedia or something (technically I could put them on Wikipedia, though there may be a slight problem with citation of supporting material).

Anyway that kinda shocked me, I mean where's our sense of family history? Family stories play such a big part in shaping identity, helping us feel connected to family and culture. It made me realise how little I really know about the story of my parents. In fact I probably couldn't write more than a vague biography about their lives thus far.

So one of my goals this year is to learn more about my parent's past, as a way to learn more about them and about me, I guess. It is hard to see them as people and not just parents. To get past all the family baggage that has accumulated from years of bad habits (hang on, I think I've posted about this before.) So perhaps this will help.

At least now I know what my parents were doing when they were my age.

When she was 28 my mum was living in Yogyakarta with her family. It was 1971. She had finished her economics degree and was working in an office, which she loved. She had a boyfriend (not my father) which was kind of serious (I think). She liked making her own clothes.


Here she is (far right) having a picnic with friends.

At her desk in the office - typewriting!


When my dad was 28 he was living in Indonesia, researching and writing about Indonesian politics and history for his PhD from ANU (I think!) It was 1974, and he was living with a local homestay family, completely emmersing himself in the language and culture. He didn't have a girlfriend, but not long after that he met my mum (they married in 1976). He had a big red beard, and wore batik shirts and flares.


Researching (with man standing to attention in background).



My dad's homestay family (photo taken by him.)

Degrassi Fever

Life of late has been spent writing funding applications and watching back to back episodes of one of my all time favourite shows Degrassi Junior High.
Borrowed from a friend who has the complete box set, it looks like I'll be in alternating states of Degrassi heaven and funding application hell for the next week or so.

Degrassi heaven - filled with glorious 80's fashion, a mixed bag of acting, and kids with nicknames like Wheels, Snake and Spike who deal with the 'tough' issues. And my favourite character - Stephanie the School Sleaze.
Ah, it takes me back to the good old days when life was all about your first bra, the boy you liked, the teacher you hated, and big earrings.

My only Friend, The End

Things learnt from taking two 9 hour car trips in a matter of days:


The above dust (yes dust, not fog) should eliminate any doubts you may have that this country is currently experiencing a drought.

An unlimited supply and variety of snacks is compulsory. A choice between nuts and fuitcake doesn't cut it.

An unlimited supply and variety of music cassettes is also compulsory. This should include a best-of The Doors tape. It should not include bad 80's mixes from the $1 op-shop bin.

Travelling with a hyper-active stress-head is not recommended.

Lower back pain from driving and feelings of being overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of Melbourne means you are probably getting old.

Just Say No: Oath to a Celebrity-free World

For a while now I've been very aware of how much useless space celebrity news and gossip takes up in my brain. Since I kicked the Big Brother habit (and this year Idol too) it's not as bad as it used to be, but honestly I think about celebrity lives way more than is necessary.

Do I need to wonder about how Angelina Jolie is going with her newly adopted Vietnamese baby? No. Do I need to know that Britney Spears is running around town flashing parts of her body? No. Do I need to be outraged that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes named their baby the very name I had chosen for my future daughter (Suri)? Okay maybe yes to that one. Do I need to know that Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake broke up, and wonder who broke up with whom? No.
I don't need to be thinking about any celebrity's personal life, ever, really, I mean who cares? How is that relevant to my life, to the world?

I've been meaning to enforce this for ages, so here goes.

I, Tea-cosy, vow to not read any words or look at any images related to celebrity gossip, both in print magazines, on the television, or on the internet, from this day forward. No browsing through Who Weekly at the doctor/dentists office or at the supermarket, no browsing through 'entertainment' articles on the Sydney Morning Herald site or shameless gossip on Perez Hilton.com. Absolutely no personal celebrity news shall enter into my brain at all, if I can help it.

Amen to that.

First single from Bjince out soon

How did I not know that Prince released a new album last year? Did anyone else not know that, or is it just me?
Anyway, I'm deeply excited about this discovery, as I am about the discovery that Arundhati Roy is finally writing a new book! Hurrah! I'm also excited (I think) about Bjork's upcoming Hip-Hop album.
If Bjork's really trying to find her funk, then she and Prince should do an album together. How awesome would that be? They could simply call it 'Bjince' (cause Prork just sounds like some gross type of tinned sausage.)

Moments

of glorious sky


and soft fur asleep.

Oh God. So. Hungover.

Blegh. Post conference partying last night led to way too much white wine, lots of silly dancing, and much gossip and intrigue. But it was a good chance to cement a few of the new contacts/friends I've made there.
Networking and being inspired by some of the best doco makers in the world, learning about other people's projects (this too!) and the ways they funded them, were definitely the best things about the past few days.
The worst: too little sleep, too tired and too busy to exercise, eat properly, or do anything around the house. But it was completely worth it, cause I got to meet and talk to one of my professional idols. This guy's films are amazing, his photography is gorgeous, and he's half Javanese! I'm trying to help him get a distributor for his films here in Australia, so people here can actually see them outside of festivals (his latest doco is playing at the Adelaide film festival tonight.)
Ah, so many fantastic docos to see, so little time. Can't wait for Thin Ice this Sunday either.

Despite the deep exhaustion and dire seediness of today, I'm inspired, motivated, full of new ideas, wiser, and more determined to achieve my goals.
I'm also missing winter for some very strange reason. Today feels like it should be cold and rainy, just to snuggle up in a big woolly scarf and drink lots of tea.

14 x 2 =

Woah. I just almost stuffed up a really important meeting because of my silly muddleheaded vagueness. Luckily we were 2 days early for the meeting rather than 2 days late.
Note to self: might be a good idea to always double check important meetings with potential project funders and project partners from interstate.

I think all the recent birthday happenings have distracted me a bit. It is a once a year event after all. These are the things which made 28 so special:

A loved one who cooked me organic bacon and eggs for breakfast, took me out for African food for dinner and bought me a shanghai lady mug.


New red cooking utensils with which to cook yummy treats for birthday picnic, such as dolmades made with vine leaves from our backyard.

And coffee banana cupcakes.



A picnic in the park to eat said treats, drink champagne, and enjoy having so many of my friends actually be in the same place at the same time.


Hand made birthday cards from said friends.

Saturn, where have you been?

At long last I feel as if I've reached a turning point as far as how my life is in reality and how I want it to be in my head. For the first time in a long time there's not much variation between the two, and what variation there is I can live with. Wow. That means I am happy with my life. Of course not completely (never completely) but it feels good to be able to say/write that. There are so many reasons and happenings that have been growing and developing for me to have reached this state. And it's only taken six years (2 years of traumatic experiences, 2 years of unhappiness and bad health, and 2 years of working my way back.) Yikes.

More stable seratonin from exercising and eating right has helped. But finding some direction and purpose with what I want to do with my life, and working out my core values about how I want to live my life and the things that are important to me, has been the key. And to be able to go through all this growth and change with someone I love, and see so much growth and change in them, is pretty damn cool.

I really feel from now on this year is going to be the year of more growth and change, of special events and personal discoveries. Maybe because it's the start of my saturn return. Friends who have been through this stage talk about the intensity but ultimate positivity of it. It's the time for personal spring-cleaning and loosing old patterns, which I've already had a head start on over the past year or so.

I think this is it. I'm ready universe. Bring on the change: the endings and the new beginnings.

...contd

So comments on the previous post have inspired further pontification on the issue of bike helmets and lack thereof. Employing the 'I speaka-no-english' tactic is certainly the way to go with ignorant policepeeps, and one I would use in a jiffy if I didn't have a silly innate inability to lie to strangers. Whenever Muz tries to play the loudspeak game with me, which he does quite often, I just can't do it! I want to, but all I can do is laugh and look embarrassed. Sigh.

And what a fabulous idea flotiz - I should start carrying a scarf around in my bag, ready to whip out whenever my forgetful-jones syndrome strikes (which is often). A guy I used to know named Josh once wore an icecream container as a helmet, but I think a scarf is much more elegant. That reminds me, in Sydney I also lived 5 minutes away from work and would sometimes bike it, but I never wore a helmet (I didn't own one then.) I think Sydney cops, Surry Hills ones in particular, have a bit more to do than worry about issuing bike helmet warnings. I should have worn a scarf though, just for the glamour - vintage, to match my glamorous vintage work outfits. Ah, those were the days.

Care, for your community

Feeling much better today. Despite the return of my normal brain I still managed to almost forget my helmet again. Yesterday, due to hungoverness from dinner and wine with a friend, I rode to work with no helmet and no bike lock. I didn't even realise til I got there, I just thought my hair felt rather breezy that day. Then got paranoid about cops on the way home, because the last thing I felt like was being told off my some pompous policeman with nothing better to do for not wearing a helmet during my 5 minute ride from work to home. Then some pedestrian yelled out 'Where's ya bloody helmet?' to which I replied 'Up ya bloody bum!' Okay so that's a lie. No one expressed a single bit of concern for my exposed noggin, can you believe it? Such an uncaring society we live in. I could have been knocked out or brain damaged or killed even.
I wish that those Christian community television ads would come back on, you know the ones from the 80's that went 'Do you need a haaaand? Be the first to say do you need a haaa-aand! Care, for your community.'

Gender mind bender

Lately I've been thinking about gender, and how much our expressions of it are influenced by society. I am such a stereotypical female in so many ways, and I wonder if that is solely because over the years I have absorbed these stereotypes (the babysitters club, sweet valley high, archie and veronica, neighbours, degrassi junior high, 90210, etc etc) or if such stereotypes also partly exist because they really do represent common female/male characteristics. That's not to say that gender is fixed and pre-determined, because it definitely is not, but those stereotypes had to come from somewhere.

Like the nurturing/mothering instinct in women for example. Is this something I learned from my own mother/society? perhaps, but I also know plenty of women who have highly nurturing mothers, yet don't have a particularly strong nurturing quality in themselves. Or perhaps they do but don't feel compelled to express it the same way that I do, e.g. wanting to take care of others, have kids etc. I mean I really have to fight the urge to ikea-hack my way to building the perfect family nest, or frame a whole bunch of family photos to hang on the wall.
Also I'm very sentimental and cry at anything emotional (like Serena winning the Australian open.) I like shopping, I like dressing up, I like cooking, I like romantic comedies. BUT I don't like perfume, or high heels, or white-weddings, or handbags.

So have I been conditioned? Well I certainly don't have any ideas of how I think women or men should be. I think there are masculine and feminine parts (whatever that is) in us all, and we can all choose to express (but should not repress) whichever parts we like. So then I guess I'm not conforming to any self-imposed pre-conceived notions of gender, I'm just being myself. And if part of that means being 'typically' female, then so be it.

No wonder I can't sleep well

Watching this doco the other night had me in tears of sadness, frustration and anger. I still cannot believe the US government is basically responsible for the squandering of $20 billion (BILLION) US dollars of Iraq's own money while basic services in Iraq were, and still are, completely inadequate. What the fuck is that?? That is beyond greed, ignorance or irresponsibility. That is evil.

And now this! I think the US government has officially gone insane. Yes, that's right, the superpower of the world is an insane, evil monster. But then I'm guessing you already knew that.

These are the meals of my life

The Sorry Cake. I couldn't resist the outrageously cheap bananas, so banana and walnut it was.


This is the cake 12 hours and 2 people later. Cake, good, mmmm.


My attempts at healthiness. Roasted capsicum, zuchinni and feta salad.


Of course no health kick is complete without blueberry pancakes. It's fruit and it's fresh, and it's oh so delicious.


Cuban black beans with brown rice, salsa and yoghurt. Mucho yumbo!

When the going gets tough, the tough eat potato chips

It seems my life is all about the cliches lately. I guess I'd forgotten that when it comes to this crazy game called life, one should always expect the unexpected.
This week, out of the blue (actually not really but it felt that way) things have gone a bit awry. And during the thick of things the shoulder to cry on came from the most unlikely of sources.

Things are pretty sorted now, but what can you do when you've really let down the person you love the most? Bake them a cake? That kinda doesn't cut it.
I know I've been getting complacent with life and this relationship, not appreciating how lucky I am. I haven't stood up for what and who I believe in because I've been scared and it's easier to run away.

I think the only way to make things right is to try and and be a better person. And maybe a cake will help a little. Banana and walnut perhaps... or chocolate?

List it with me

Things that I can't get enough of lately:

- Korean food (especially Bibimbab, yum!)
- Sleep
- Blogs
- Tiny knick-knacks
- Nectarines from Jayme's tree
- Sunshine (back into the sunbaking groove after many summers indoors)
- Shopping for office furniture (strange yet true)
- Regina Spektor
- Rice milk (light, sweet and oh so lovely)
- Marat Safin (double yum!)
- My new $5 jeans and $1 brown belt
- Writing lists

Fast and soft

I have a friend who is kind of new. By that I mean we've been friends
only for about 6 months. I really like this friend and we get along
quite well, and I'm sure we would get along even better if only I could
understand what the hell she was saying half the damn time!! Not only
is this person a soft talker, but she is also a fast talker. Fast and
soft. Soft and fast. All the time. I get pretty sick of repeating myself
(What was that? Sorry what?) and so often I don't bother and just end up
making non-committal noises (yeah, mmm mmm) without even knowing what was said.

Now obviously I have two options here. I can continue the way it's been,
not say anything to her, and watch as our friendship sort of drifts along
and probably peters out somewhere down the track. Or I can gently and
tactfully raise the issue with her in the hopes that her condition then
improves and we might become closer friends because of it. I know this is
the decent thing to do, but the question is how.
Do I casually drop it in the conversation, like 'Yes, I love carrot cake too.
Hey, has anyone ever told you you talk very soft and fast?'
Or perhaps after a serious of whats from me, I could say 'Sorry about this.
I'm not sure if it's my hearing, but I always seem to have trouble trying to understand you. Isn't that funny?'
To which she would either get highly offended, or say 'Oh don't worry, that's
just me - I'm a notoriously fast and soft talker!'
To which I would reply 'Well will you please do something about it!'

I am not my blog

Spending time reading masses of blogs lately has led me to ponder on this little 'ol here tea time. You see I'm not sure exactly what kind of weblog it is, or more precisely what kind I want it to be. So far it's sort of a 'blah blah this is the shit in my life' diary type, which would be okay if I was witty and entertaining like mimi or even momo. Or if I wrote beautifully and poetically like shari or tuckova. But alas. There's also no chance this blog will ever have an interesting focus such as politics or music or the wankers of the world.

So it is what it is - a vent for all the crap that flies around in my brain, overcrowding the interesting thoughts that I know are crammed down the back somewhere. Hopefully once I get all the crappy thoughts out, the good stuff will have room to breathe and develop and take form in some thoughtful posts about ideas and issues and the like.
Until then, it's a constant battle to not cross the line of too much information, which I have a tendency to do. Like I was going to post about throwing up my dinner the other night, beacause it was sausauges and was like throwing up tinned cat food. But that is seriously gross and obviously way too much information, so I will spare you dear internet. But next time, maybe not.

Overheard

Yesterday at the pool I passed a mum and her two young kids buying stuff at the canteen.

Mum (to her son): Because girls always come before boys.
Son (passionately while stamping his foot): No they don't!
Mum: Laughs wickedly.

I can't wait to mercilessly tease my children.

Meme for me

Yay something to cheer me up - I've been tagged!

As I'm not going to cheat on this, I should warn you that our itunes library contains a lot of random music that is used for our various video productions, such as kids birthdays, weddings and films about UFOs. But as long as a track has a title, then I'll use it.

1. How does the world see you?
Right out of your hand - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
The world eating out of my hand? I wish.

2. Will I have a happy life?
Zulu - Miriam Makeba
I wish I knew what this song is about (other than the Zulu people). But it sounds happy!

3. What do my friends really think of me?
Soft Mistake - Lamb
Oh.. a mistake. But at least I'm a soft one.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Hold U - Master Ace & Jean Grae
I think that's a yes.

5. How can I make myself happy?
Nigahen kyon - Lata Mangeshkar
Doh! Anyone speak Hindi?

6. What should I do with my life?
Hearts and Flowers - Lamb
It's decided. I'm to be a hippy!

7. Will I ever have children?
I wanna sex U up - Color Me Badd
I guess so, after all that sex!

8. What is some good advice for me?
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
I should follow my heart, indeed.

10. How will I be remembered?
The View - Modest Mouse
Uhm, okay. My visionary view of the world, perhaps?

11. What is my signature song?
Do You Love Me - The Blues Brothers
Insecure and trying to impress. But fun!

12. What do I think my current theme song is?
Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
I'm stuck in the past.

13. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Runaway - Ovorigin
Oh dear.

14. What song will play at my funeral?
Shame - PJ Harvey
I hope that's doesn't mean I'm going to die young.

15. What type of women do I like?
What'cha Know About - Donavan Frankenreiter
Obnoxious know-it-alls, just like me!

16. What type of men do I like?
Neuro-transmitter - Ovorigin
Ones that stimulate my mind, definitely.

17. What is my day going to be like?
Mast Qalander - Massive Attack and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
I will be worshipping God.

The family burden

I know that I resemble my parents a lot more than I would like to
admit. This is not all bad as my parents are generally nice
people. Also it's totally understandable seeing as I did live with
them for 21 years of my life and now see them regularly. Parents and
family play such a big role in shaping our psyche and personality,
even though it's often nicer to think I shaped myself and my identity
through my own experiences and life choices. I think It's probably a
mix of both.

Anyway, recently I've been particularly disturbed by the fact that my
parents are such terrible communicators. They overreact, they get uptight,
they get defensive, they get frustrated - basically they're a communication
disaster!
But what's worse is that I know, dammit I know that I am just as bad!
I get like that with them and with Muz, especially when I'm tired and/or in
a bad mood. But sometimes I just do it and I don't know why, it's like
bad habit I can't shake. It's horrible because I know I'm doing it
and I hate it but I can't seem to stop.

I think it's just going to take a lot of will power, persistence and maybe
praying to the God of Kicking Bad Habits.

A post not for squid lovers

Despite the fact that I was a (semi) vegetarian for 5 years, I'm not particularly squemish about handling raw meats. In fact, I kind of like the feel of raw meat, though that's not to say I have some kind of raw meat fetish, ala Amy Winehouse (check out the segment after the music vid, though that's worth watching too) (Hey, that was my 1st ever youtube link!)

That being said, gutting and cleaning a whole squid definitely ranks high on my disgustometer. So what did I do last night? You guessed it. I wish I had a photo of the squid before I got stuck into it, but it looked pretty much like these guys:



So anyway I probably should have googled instructions on how to clean a squid, but instead I just kind of chopped off the front tentacles and its big googly-eyed head (which was very freaky). Then all its ink started pouring out, so I had to rinse that out during which I splashed some on my new top from Thailand.
Then I tried to get all its gooey guts out, but couldn't, so I had to cut it open and scrape the shit out, and then I was upset because it wasn't in tube form anymore and I couldn't cut it into proper calamari rings. Lastly I took out it's spine thingy, and pulled off its stretchy black spotted skin and threw all that stuff out (which made our bin stink today).
Then I cut off the side flaps and chopped them, along with the tentacles and body, into smaller pieces. I coated the pieces with salted flour and fried them in olive oil, which I put on top of a salad, tentacles and all. But I think I under-cooked them, cos they were all kinda soft and mushy, so then Muz wouldn't eat it and I didn't like it much. I ate a bit, couldn't finish it, so then it all went into the bin.

Poor squid. It died in vain, really. I hope it's other dead squid friends from Angelikas Brothers went to more skilled kitchens to be handled by more skilled squid cooks than I.

Lazy days

These xmas/new year holidays have been so relaxing I fear that returning to work may cause my body and brain to go into a state of intense shock as I curl up in childs pose on the floor of my office for several hours, or something like that.
Not having to feel gross and seedy recovering from a trashy drug/alchohol fueled New Year's Eve for the first time in about 10 years has probably helped. Instead, I have:

Slept up to 10 hours most nights.

Munched on endless bowls of date and chocolate gluten free biscuits and icecream (together, topped with berries yum yum).

Managed to convince Muz to go down to the beach with me.

Been to see three (3!) films at the cinemas. I think I saw that many in the whole of 2006. The best by far: Little Miss Sunshine. Haven't laughed that much in a movie in so long. It was sad and funny and the characters were brilliant.
Sadly dissapointed by Volver. After reading tonnes of rave reviews, I had high expectations, but it doesn't compare with Almodovar's best (eg All About My Mother, Bad Education).

Cooked up lunches like this one:



Sunbaked and read this book which I'm still reading. It's an interestingly constructed narrative that gives good insight into life in the Ottoman empire, but a bit too violent in parts for my liking. Not really into scenes where people are getting their head smashed in by a metal inkpot.

Discovered the best summer drink ever: Iced organic white tea.
I found this tea at Coles (of all places).
All you do is make one or two strong cups of the tea (normal green tea is also good), pour into a large jug (polka-dotted of course). Fill the jug up with filtered water and put in the fridge. Serve chilled with some mint and you have the most refreshing and deliciously thirst-quenching liquid in the world.




Oh, and I forgot to mention spending time down at Middleton, were I went on lots of beautiful coastal walks, had a drink at the local pub, ate the best fish and chips on the beach, and got my arse royally kicked in Scrabble. Damn, gotta get more tactical with the Scrabble!